Mystique Club Soi 31 Bangkok

Mystique is supposed to be the greatest place happening currently in Bangkok. Stories of wild parties, great music and Goats in abundance pushed Homer, Ralph and Da Wizard to go take a look. We attended the opening night sometime ago but didn’t like the clientele. Generally as you all know , people at opening night tend to NOT be the sort of people that will regularly use a place after its honeymoon period.

Last night was ladies night so we thought it would be a great opportunity to cut the odd glamorous Goat from the herd or at least get some cards out for future sorties.

BOLLOX!

This is my review of Mystique.......BOLLOX.

Sure plush lounge type interior, a lovely shark tank behind the bar (poor sharks) and the tunes weren’t bad. However the pace is a terrible design for a club, all the servers were leather capped Gays with attitude and the clientele was designer sweaters with wooly hats on. Euro trash might be a good description. Hey they had topless men dancing on the stage to so if you like to ‘rut’ with French and Italian men then maybe mystique is for you.
The Thai girls in there reminded me of Irish Liverpool Families who had just won the lottery. Trying to be Hi So but by doing so were becoming a caricature of their own actual class.

We still has left half a bottle of Vodka in Mystique (worth 50$) from last night so if anyone wants it please email me.

Da Wizard ain’t going back!

So then we stormed across the Big Mango, got into Lucifer for 1215 to watch the Goats parade in. Lucifer has a good selection of both straight and hooker Goats but the hooker Goats win in a ratio of about 70/30. Gems can still be found , the music rocks and a bottle of Vodka is half the price of Mystique.

Homer then had an unrousable closely followed by Ralph. Homer bailed without letting me know so I spent half an hour examining the bowel of Lucifer whilst Ralph slumped on the bar.

When home time came Ralph reacted angrily to being disturbed and get this RAN AWAY! She was sprinting through the now collapsing market in Patpong like Lindford Fucking Christy. She alone knows where she was going but she never made it anyway. At 0400hrs this morning I get a call from an authoritative Thai man with no English who informs me that he had captured my Indo Goat. I sussed he was Da Bill and politely expressed by sincere joy and gratitude that she had been saved by the magnaminous Royal Thai Constabulary.

I then asked him where I could go and pick her up but no…his Plodship had other ideas and brought back the said Ralph on the back of his motorbike. I do hope that she didn’t fondle his big gun on the way!

Anyway all is well that ends well. Plod dropped her at the security, I resisted the urge to flog Ralph and hope that she has learned a valuable lesson. Those readers that know Ralph will now be certain that this tough, Batak, Timeshare Monster that we all created is now completely out of control and this is why she is now at her most successful.

Glad it was another night that we survived. I hope one day that this Blog will not be the medium for an obituary for one or more of us. Bangkok has eaten better than us and will do again.

Peace Love Dope...today they bury da Pope!