Multimedia message...Mobile Blogging from Hospital

Note: Ralph is having a down the the throat cam done as I write this. She has a possible peptic ulcer. Sitting here outside the operating room waiting for her is pretty traumatic as I am sitting right by the ICU which means I am surrounded by distraught and weeping relatives whose energy is rubbing off and not making me feel great.

It makes my mind wander....what if the doc came out and said 'I am sorry but there was a complication...she didn't make it'..how would I deal with that? Would I just go pay the bill and go and get drunk or what? Where would I bury her? What would i do if her folks wanted her back home?

Awful thoughts but things we should speak about later for sure. I don't like hospitals but I don't really think anyone does and if they do they are fucking weird.

I dislike being reminded so harshly about our mortality. Inevitable is not a word that sits well with me....we make our own luck...don't we?

Just being here gives me internal aches and pains. Intense paranoia and that repulsive hospital smell make me want to make a mad dash for it and get back to my safe world of fun and frolics combined with sufficient commerce to keep my sanity.

They just wheeled out a squawking bundle from the op room....pat the weeping family....cliche thoughts of one life ending as another begins as the wheel keeps turning flash through my mind....but its all fucked really isn't it?
God its now been an hour and half since Ralph went in for a supposed 10 minute procedure....No one here to ask either.

Oh ya we are in The Bangkok Christian Hospits in Silom...its close to home, cheap and seems fine. Its a bit ragged around the edges but no worse than a UK hospital and certainly like a five star place when compared to the hospitals in Bali.

The lady sitting next to me who looked like she wanted to chat just got wheeled off. I thought that she was a spectator like me not a victim. She left giving me a wavelike we knew eash other. An Asian woman alone in hospital is truelly alone. There is always a gaggle of friends and family around....A Thai Eleanor Rigby.....at least I waved back at her. I considered the double wave but thought that was a bit informal but maybeit would have made her day?

A man of African origin just got let oput of a side doorand now is noisily hawking up nearby...euch.
The Food Walla is wheeling past me now....christ I feel like part of the furniture here already. I wonder will they offer me a bite to eat....where is Ralph?
Ah she just walked past me...said 'Hi' then disappeared...didn't stop the selfish bitch...well at least she's not dead....would be a helluva waste of six years training if they killed her......

All done...results Monday....they took a biopsy..... :(