10 things that you think about when you have feelings for a Thai Prostitute.

1. Why the hell did you start this relationship with someone that you know is a cockroach???

2. Why did you not stop it at the first sign of real feelings? Was it some perverse experiment to see how close to real love you could have with someone who in your opinion is incapable of love??

3. Is it just a fraud? As an accomplished fraudster Da Wizard has yet to see the sting in this yet. Gut feeling says no fraud.....brain says 'of course its a fraud you wanker!!'.

4. When she lies because she thinks she is protecting you from the details of her profession, do you pull her aside and tell her not to or do you just let the lies roll? Does letting the lies roll make them grow? Da Wizard thinks it does and likes to pull the lying little Viper to one side and clip her wings when the inevitable bullshit is deposited.

5. Hygeine. Has to come into the list cos it does come into the mind. They all say that they make customers wear condoms but in reality has anyone with any experience of paid for sex in Asia met a prostitute who ALWAYS insists on the said profolactic? I mean Da Wizard did her bare back the first night (exceedingly intoxicated....) although she did kick off about it in the morning and has now gone on the pill.

6. H.I.V. Fuck talk about gambling with ones life. Doesn't come into the mind very often but I thought it deserved a mention. Ya just a real point about this. Da Wizard don't know any sex worker who has H.I.V. nor does he know any whore that knows anyone who has H.I.V. except for I.V. drug users and bisexual men.

7. What is she doing now? This happens mostly at anytime from sunset to dawn. This feeling becomes more infrequent as the feelings that you thought might even be love get controlled and you start to see through the mist of the black magic spell that she cast.

8. What is the end game for this? The loss of Ralph the only stability that Da Wizard has is a real risk in this instance and not a loss that he would want or actually deal with that well. Its easy to chuck the male bravado around but the reality is a 7 year understanding, sexually tolerant girlfriend who is also bisexual is not something that any full blooded male can just discard. The end game is not thought about often enough and like item 6.) , it certainly should be. Marriage with a girl who has had sex with approximately 240 men in the last six months and is pushing those numbers up Mon-Thurs each week is not an option........... is is? Hey fuck it you wanker "Marriage is never an option!!!!" Sorry people that last disgraceful comment was a relapse into Da Wizard's parenst conservative mentality and one that I hope is not often repeated. I can't beleive Da Wizard even bothered to guesstimate how many punters have nailed her. This is far gone and now its in control????. You can only imagine how it was prior to Xmas!!!

9. Why has she turned her room into a mini shrine of photos of Da Wizard (handsome chappie that he is). Does she really love him? Is she capable of love? WHY DOES IT MATTER? What the hell is Da Wizard looking for here? Maybe he was dropped on his head as a child. Yeah that would be it. In fact more than once it seems.

10. The nicest thing that happens during this period of sustained insanity, (can having feelings for a Thai whore be anything else but insanity?) is that you get to find out who your real friends are. Don't wanna get soppy here (and no I haven't had a Jack 'N Jill) but credit needs to be given to those who have showed their concern for Da Wizard's potential demise. Homer of course gets five stars for pointing out that there really is no need to beat maself up over this. Just enjoy the ride (err excuse the pun).... and hope that Ralph doesn't explode in a ball of Batak anger... (all those readers that don't know what Batak is please... click here).

Anyway its in control... A Goat is Just a Goat... even if I love this one a litten bit!! LOL