Have you ever seen an ex-pat with a farang girlfriend? Me neither. Throughout Thailand, farang girls have been swapped for Thais in a manner reminiscent of the 1950’s science fiction classic Invasion of the body snatchers - "it’s some kind of pod... aaagh!" Why does this happen?
Loads of farang girls enjoy holidaying in Thailand with their boyfriends. It’s the ones who come with their girlie mates who discover that the fortnight is not as fun-filled as they had hoped. Just like the rest of humanity, western girls relish the chance to meet new people and get fucked rotten. It’s the second part of the equation that Thailand often fails to deliver – for girls, anyway.
I visited the island of Koh Samed a few months ago and noticed a group of pretty English girls who were out looking for a good time. In Ibiza, these provocatively dressed minxes would’ve had to beat the fellas off with a shitty stick. On Koh Samed, however, they partied alone. There are no girlie bars on the island, so the western guys had all played it safe and brought their Thai sweethearts along.
As the girls’ frustration mounted, one of them copped-off with a Thai waiter. There was no age gap but the height gap was a bit noticeable. She popped him into her pocket and took him back for a night of fun in her bungalow.
Next day, I was lucky enough to overhear part of the post-mortem. Apparently he was quite sweet but had burst into tears when she asked him to use a condom. His English was quite basic but he was able to explain his family problems and financial difficulties.
The topic was dropped when her new boyfriend arrived with a couple of his little mates. He was wearing her T-shirt. Food and drink was ordered and the girls footed the bill. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, although the other girls weren’t giving out any fuck-me vibes to his mates.
Their patience was rewarded when a couple of days later a group of good looking English lads turned up unaccompanied. The two groups soon became one. The new Thai boyfriend went into limpet-mode and showered his girl with public displays of affection. Her discomfort was obvious. Even after she dumped him, he hovered around like a bad fart.
The whole episode was priceless entertainment and it illustrates well the sexual politics that make farang girls hate Thailand. It seems that the dating strategies employed by some Thai men are not far removed from those of their fun-loving sisters. The sickly confection of charm and freeloading is served up with a large dollop of jealousy.
Men can never resist second helpings but why do women find this dish so unpalatable? It’s because they want their men to be strong, dependable, generous, respectful, kind, high-status, intelligent, hard working, sincere etc. The list just goes on and on. If you fall short of their ideal, they won’t hold back in telling you about it either – in endless detail.
Men value these things too, but they don’t bang on about it so much. If she’s cute and funny, a man can generally forgive a girl her shortcomings. The western girl in our story was turned-off by the waiter’s whining. As men, we are used to sharing our lives with women who whine and it’s just water off a duck’s back. What we are not used to, however, are women who restrict their whining merely to asking for pocket money. It’s a breath of fresh air.
When it comes to snaring a man, Thai girls leave their western sisters at the starting gate. It’s not just their cheeky charm and good looks. The killer punch is how they make a man feel valued. To do this, they give him their undivided attention and refrain from hurtful criticism. In other words, they show him that they value him warts and all (even if they don’t). They may only be after his money but, if a guy is happy, he probably doesn’t care.
Western women just can’t stomach the indignity of lowering themselves to this level. That’s why in Bangkok they are generally seen out alone. Their chances of finding a boyfriend are slim and of keeping one slimmer. Some are reduced to paying Thai men for sex. It doesn’t take long for them to become bitter and unhappy. They could do with losing a few pounds too.
There is, however, some hope for our sex-starved farang chicks with attitude. A few thrifty guys have plugged into this niche market to save themselves 1,000 baht a night. Reportedly, it’s like shooting blonde pussy in a barrel. The wise swordsman will go back to her place, boot the soft toys off the bed and quickly dump his load before getting back to join the lads for last orders.
